Wednesday, November 10, 2004

THE COMBATANTS: Pat Litowitz

Pat Litowitz
New Castle News

I want to be nice. I really do. I would like to admire the Pittsburgh Steelers’ four Super Bowl teams. I’d like to heap praise on Bradshaw, Franco and the guy in the gorilla suit.

And those Terrible Towels — what a great idea.

But ...

I’d rather impale myself on the GOALPOSTS FROM HELL and have my ears bleed from that SCREECHING IMP known as Myron Cope than admit anything good can come out of Pittsburgh.

As you can see, I’m conflicted.

Take Todd Park’s good buddy over there, Rick DeLoia. Probably a great guy. In fact, I know he is. Upstanding citizen. Cares about his students. Helps old Ellwood City ladies cross the street.

But then he puts on that STUPID BLACK AND GOLD CRAP THAT HAS NEVER BEEN WASHED AND SMELLS OF URINE AND BEER, I want to smack the boy silly.

What’s up with that?

Alas, dear Browns fans, I am forced to concede that Steeler fans are genetic mutants. Can you tell the female Steeler fans from their male counterparts? I think not.

They are not of this Earth, but once members of an alien race ...

(Hi, this is Lisa Micco. I’m Little Wits’ partner in the wildly popular He Said/She Said. This would be the point in our column where Butt Head needs to be sedated. It will take just a minute.)

What was I saying again? Oh yeah, I despise all things Pittsburgh.

OK, OK. The Steelers deserve credit for their 7-1 start while knocking off formerly undefeated New England and Philadelphia. Even Big Ben is playing far better than a cheap Chinese import.
Heck, go ahead and order your playoff tickets. Just don’t expect them to go too far. As sure as Pittsburgh fans stuff their bloated faces with pierogi and kielbassa, these Steelers will choke in the Big Game.

As for my beloved Browns, it’s been a tough ride this season. At some point, management will realize a solid offensive line leads the way to victory. I blame Cleveland’s loss to the MUCH-DESPISED TEAM THAT ART MODELL (WHOSE SOUL WILL ROT IN FOOTBALL HELL) USED TO OWN solely on the offensive line.

Jeff Garcia is a talented and gutsy quarterback. The Browns will do well with him guiding the team.

This week’s game will be interesting. I fully expect the Steelers to humiliate themselves within the opening minutes of the contest. The final: Cleveland 35, Pittsburgh 13.

Hey, Rick, order a six-pack of pierogies on me.

Copyright (c) 2004, New Castle News

Sunday, November 7, 2004

HE SAID, SHE SAID: Think Bedford Downs can edge Political Games down the stretch? Don’t bet on it

Pat Litowitz
and Lisa Micco

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the commonwealth’s premiere racing event — The Battle for Pennsylvania’s Last Harness Racing License. We’re your hosts, New Castle News editors Pat Litowitz and Lisa Micco. Glad to have you aboard for this exciting night of racing at the future home of Bedford Downs in Mahoning Township. With a minute to post, you still have time to place your bets.

The horses are at the gate. And they’re off!

Prohibitive favorite Valley View Downs, ridden by Beaver County’s state Rep. Mike Veon, is in the lead. Bedford Downs with Carmen Shick on board looks strong in second. Political Games is in third followed by Self-Serving Senator. No Chance for Lawrence County is in the back; just ahead of Doing the Right Thing. Gary’s Fiasco never leaves the starting gate.

At the turn Bedford Downs makes a strong pass to lead the field. Veon’s Valley View appears rattled as Doing the Right Thing gains ground. No Chance for Lawrence County has new life in fourth while Self-Serving Senator and Political Games stumble. Gary’s Fiasco has been put down.

It’s too close to call as the horses head for the home stretch. Unfortunately, the winner won’t be determined until next year when the Pennsylvania Harness Racing Commission makes it decision.

Until then join us as we discuss, “A Horse is a Horse — of Course, of Course — Unless Politics are Put into Force” or “The Idiot’s Guide to State Government and Harness Racing.”

LITOWITZ: Betting on the second race at Mountaineer, I decide to wheel the No. 7 horse on a $2 trifecta. Mind you, I’ve hit the front end of the daily double; so, things are looking pretty good if Shivermetimbers holds off the field.

MICCO: Translator! I need a translator!

LITOWITZ: What?

MICCO: I have no idea what you said. It sounded English yet I understood not a word.

LITOWITZ: Just practicing for the new racetrack. I want to be ready for when Bedford Downs opens.

MICCO: And what’s wrong with The Meadows in Union Township? Can’t you get your fix there?
LITOWITZ: It’s a nice facility. Been there a few times, but I like real horses — not TV ones. That’s why I’m excited about Bedford Downs. Oh yeah, don’t forget the slots.

MICCO: You might consider a charter membership to the Mahoning Township chapter of Gamblers Anonymous, too. Although, you’re pretty mild when compared to the rest of the Lawrence County population. Do you really believe Bedford Downs has a chance to become a reality?

LITOWITZ: Depends. If it’s Carmen’s plan vs. Centaur’s plan, then Carmen blows away the competition. You rarely hear the words “Lawrence County” and “first class” within the same sentence.

MICCO: Kinda like “New Castle” and “common sense.”

LITOWITZ: Exactly. When Carmen had his “little” shindig to present his plans for Bedford Downs to the public, he had Centaur doing a double take. Think of Carmen’s production as Broadway’s “Beauty and the Beast” and Centaur’s effort as a high school production of “Grease.”
MICCO: I always liked Rizzo. She was sassy ...

LITOWITZ: And making out with anything that moved. I bet you’re are a big fan of the hickey, or is your neck always purple?

MICCO: At least I’m getting action. You have to go to a track and pay for your afternoon delight.
LITOWITZ: As I was saying, if you go by plans, Carmen wins. But if you use politics as a barometer, then Bedford Downs is heading to the glue factory.

MICCO: Are you saying the evil hand of politics is playing a part. I am shocked. I am dismayed. I’m an angry, young Pat May.

LITOWITZ: Oh I doubt that. Besides, Pat May has taste and class.

Keep in mind that state Rep. Mike Veon and state Sen. Gerald LaValle are running the show in Beaver County.

Veon’s dying to get some slot action there. Just check his campaign contributions from this year. He’s received $20,000 from Indiana residents associated with Centaur, which includes Centaur Pennsylvania CEO Jeffrey Smith. Then there’s the $1,500 from Craig Neilsen, CEO of Ameristar Casinos in Jackpot, Nev.

Guess the “smart money” thinks Beaver County is the place to be.

And for those who think LaValle gives a crap about Lawrence County, check his voter base. In Tuesday’s election, he ran unopposed — getting 26,591 votes in Lawrence County and 67,747 votes in Beaver County.

The best LaValle can offer us is a debate with editorial page editor Mitchel Olszak.

Gerald LaValle — a man of the people. Only those who live in Beaver County.

MICCO: Someone sounds a little bitter. How about a mint julep?

LITOWITZ: I’ll pass. That’s a drink for thoroughbred fans. If Shick gets the harness license, then I’ll reconsider. You know, the only thing good to come out of Beaver County is Amber Brkich.

MICCO: And she was a Westminster College grad.

Copyright (c) 2004, New Castle News