THE COMBATANTS: Pat Litowitz

Pat Litowitz
New Castle News

I want to be nice. I really do. I would like to admire the Pittsburgh Steelers’ four Super Bowl teams. I’d like to heap praise on Bradshaw, Franco and the guy in the gorilla suit.

And those Terrible Towels — what a great idea.

But ...

I’d rather impale myself on the GOALPOSTS FROM HELL and have my ears bleed from that SCREECHING IMP known as Myron Cope than admit anything good can come out of Pittsburgh.

As you can see, I’m conflicted.

Take Todd Park’s good buddy over there, Rick DeLoia. Probably a great guy. In fact, I know he is. Upstanding citizen. Cares about his students. Helps old Ellwood City ladies cross the street.

But then he puts on that STUPID BLACK AND GOLD CRAP THAT HAS NEVER BEEN WASHED AND SMELLS OF URINE AND BEER, I want to smack the boy silly.

What’s up with that?

Alas, dear Browns fans, I am forced to concede that Steeler fans are genetic mutants. Can you tell the female Steeler fans from their male counterparts? I think not.

They are not of this Earth, but once members of an alien race ...

(Hi, this is Lisa Micco. I’m Little Wits’ partner in the wildly popular He Said/She Said. This would be the point in our column where Butt Head needs to be sedated. It will take just a minute.)

What was I saying again? Oh yeah, I despise all things Pittsburgh.

OK, OK. The Steelers deserve credit for their 7-1 start while knocking off formerly undefeated New England and Philadelphia. Even Big Ben is playing far better than a cheap Chinese import.
Heck, go ahead and order your playoff tickets. Just don’t expect them to go too far. As sure as Pittsburgh fans stuff their bloated faces with pierogi and kielbassa, these Steelers will choke in the Big Game.

As for my beloved Browns, it’s been a tough ride this season. At some point, management will realize a solid offensive line leads the way to victory. I blame Cleveland’s loss to the MUCH-DESPISED TEAM THAT ART MODELL (WHOSE SOUL WILL ROT IN FOOTBALL HELL) USED TO OWN solely on the offensive line.

Jeff Garcia is a talented and gutsy quarterback. The Browns will do well with him guiding the team.

This week’s game will be interesting. I fully expect the Steelers to humiliate themselves within the opening minutes of the contest. The final: Cleveland 35, Pittsburgh 13.

Hey, Rick, order a six-pack of pierogies on me.

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