He Said / She Said: The Felasco Fiasco

Pat Litowitz
and Lisa Micco
New Castle News

It's called Felapoly, a variation on the popular game Monopoly.

Don't forget, Lawrence County rules trump real world rules. In Felapoly, the contestants select one player to serve as treasurer, tax collector and head of housing. We call that player Gary Felasco. The remaining players, officially called taxpayers, are affectionately referred to as fools.
The game works this way. The Fools run around in circles in an effort to earn a salary, acquire property and wealth, and pay their fair share of taxes.

The Felasco oversees and participates in the proceedings but is exempt from paying taxes. In fact, the Felasco starts off with four properties to begin each game.

The winner? Well, it's The Felasco, of course. You thought you'd have a fair chance?

Speaking of unfair and unbalanced, join New Castle News editors Lisa Micco and Pat Litowitz as they discuss "It's Good to Be Gary" or "Anyone Want to Buy a 'Get Out of Jail Free' Card?"

LITOWITZ: A show of hands, please. How many of us have forgotten to do something? Take out the trash. Pick up the kid from school. Remember the wife's birthday. Pay your taxes. Hey, honest mistake. No harm. No foul.

MICCO: Does this fall in the same line as "You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached"? Sorry, I don't buy that excuse.

LITOWITZ: There's a perfectly simple explanation. You see, when he became the county's tax "collector," he assumed he could drop the title of "taxpayer." Happens all the time.

MICCO: Yeah, Al Capone, Willie Nelson, James Brown and Gary Felasco. They "just forgot" to pay taxes.

LITOWITZ: Hold on Nellie, in the case of Capone, Nelson and Brown, they evaded paying taxes. Felasco forgot.

MICCO: That's just semantics. You say poh-TAY-to, I say poh-tah-TO. In the world of taxes, evade and forget are the same thing.

LITOWITZ: Remember the movie, "Apollo 13"? Astronaut Jack Swigert (played by Kevin Bacon) forgot to pay his taxes. Did they send the IRS into outer space to collect? No. He acknowledged his mistake and said he'd take care of it. Kinda like Gary Felasco, except that Felasco wasn't in outer space, doesn't look like Kevin Bacon and isn't in a movie. Other than that it's the same thing.

MICCO: Houston, we have a problem. So, what you're saying is it's OK to be a director of the county's tax claim bureau and forget your civic obligations. The man's JOB IS TAXES! That's akin to working at Krispy Kreme and forgetting to make the doughnuts.

LITOWITZ: I refuse to believe this was done on purpose. That's just as silly as suggesting that former County Commissioner Brian Burick would change parties and become a Republican.

MICCO: Or just as unheard of as Mayor Wayne Alexander packing heat or paying for city hall repairs out of his own pocket.

LITOWITZ: Yeah, it just doesn't happen.

MICCO: Ugh!

LITOWITZ: So you agree with me?

MICCO: Ah, I think the boat to Fantasy Island leaves in a few minutes. You better board now. There is no way he "forgot" to pay taxes on several properties since 2000. This is just a clear-cut case of abuse of position and power.

LITOWITZ: Let's put the proper Lawrence County spin on this.

MICCO: Would that be with a roulette wheel?

LITOWITZ: Don't be picking on the New Castle Board of Education. The truce we negotiated through the U.N. is holding. Don't need your big mouth ruining things. Now back to the issue. No. 1 - There's a conspiracy in place. Someone's paying someone under the table. (The size of the table is irrelevant. However, I am fond of oak. I prefer American oak to the imported variety.) No. 2 - The people involved are all related. No. 3 - Someone was hired from out of town to do the dirty deed. No. 4 - Consultants will be hired - and then ignored. No. 5 - Your taxes will be raised. No. 6 - The state will conduct an audit and uncover "questionable practices." No. 7 - The people in the spotlight will say they are sorry. No. 8 - More relatives will be hired. No. 9 - Your taxes will be raised again.

MICCO: Oh, so now you agree with me? It's business as usual.

LITOWITZ: All right, I give up. Call in the damn FBI. They cleaned up in Ohio, starting in Mahoning County and working their way up to Trumbull. Since they're in the area, let's see if they will drop by.

MICCO: They better block off the next 10 years to clean up this county. It's just not fair. Why can Felasco say, "Oops. I forgot" and we're supposed to forgive and forget. Anyone else would have lost his or her home by now.

LITOWITZ: You and I would already be in a cardboard box.

MICCO: Yeah, but I hear it's tax free.

(Lisa Micco is the assistant news editor and Pat Litowitz is the Living editor at The News. Their column appears Saturdays, like it or not. Micco can be contacted at lmicco@ncnewsonline.com or by calling (724) 654-6651, extension 627. Litowitz can be contacted at plitowitz@ncnewsonline.com or by calling (724) 654-6651, extension 615.)

Copyright (c) 2004, New Castle News