He Said/She Said tackle Thunder football practice

September 23, 2006

By Pat Litowitz and Lisa Micco
New Castle News

You aren't going to believe this one. Please try not to laugh too hard.

But first, a quick quiz.

What do Terry Bradshaw, Joe Namath, Bob Griese and Lisa Micco have in common?

Three were famous quarterbacks who donned the No. 12 in their storied NFL careers. The last one? No so much.

What the heck is Lisa doing wearing that fabled jersey?

Apparently one half of the not-so-relevant He Said/She Said duo thought it would be fun to "play with the boys." So she asked New Castle Thunder owner Anthony Razzano if she and her sidekick, the New Castle News' Pat Litowitz, for permission to practice with the players as they prepare for their playoff drive.

Much to Pat's credit -- and the advice of several physicians, The News' human resources department and an unnamed psychiatrist -- he turned down the offer. Instead, he "practiced" being team owner.

This can't be good. You know that Vince Lombardi is turning over in his grave.

*

We interrupt this column for a statement from The News.

"The New Castle News recognizes and upholds the importance of football in western Pennsylvania, particularly Lawrence County.

"While we encourage the practice of participatory journalism, we feel that the reporters participating should actually be capable of taking part. Neither Lisa Micco nor Pat Litowitz have shown any athletic skills whatsoever.

"Lastly, we disavow any knowledge of Micco or Litowitz actually being employed by The New Castle News or any of its subsidiaries."

We return you to our regularly scheduled column.

*

Please join Lisa and Pat as they head to the gridiron and discuss, "No, the Center Does Not Punt the Football" or "Are You Ready for Some Really Bad Football?"

LITOWITZ: To Mr. Razzano, the coaches, staff and players, I have only one thing to say: "I'm so, so sorry."

I tried talking Lisa out of it.

"They're going to hurt you," I said.

"You have no clue what football is about," I told her.

"You can't throw," I chided her.

Does she listen? No.

We interrupted valuable practice time so Lisa could "quarterback" the team. Thankfully, everyone involved with the Thunder were gentlemanly and kind. Especially, coaches Frank Makarevich and Bob Razzano.

Get this. She actually asked Coach Makarevich if it was proper procedure to put her hands under center. I wanted to die. I thought the man was going to pop a vein.

I, on the other hand, learned invaluable team ownership skills from Anthony Razzano.

I didn't "chicken out" as Lisa will try to claim. The Thunder players are big, mean and serious about football. That's the way it should be.

I chose not to die that day.

MICCO: Ah, you chose to be a wimp. Simple as that.

You would have fell to your knees if Jim Kuhn, one of the equipment managers, put the shoulder pads on you.

I, on the other hand, took it like a man.

A-hem.

Anyway ... Yes, the Thunder players are big, tough and all football. But they were great sports letting me run through a few plays with them. (OK, so the coach rolled his eyes when I asked if I could use crib notes.) To me, that says a lot. They know when to be serious, and yet have a sense of humor to let a girl crash their practice.

Don't hate the playa just because you chose to ride the sidelines, Litowitz.

As an aside, a special thanks to Jonathon "Kirby" Warren, No. 64, who volunteered as center, for not eating beans before practice.

LITOWITZ: Or you, I might add.

I played football way back when. OK, perhaps the word "play" is a misnomer. I was the official tackling dummy. And that was fine.

Couldn't run. Couldn't catch. Occasionally blocked.

(Although I did have one spectacular backyard game where I jumped high into the air (2 inches), pulled in a pass with one hand and avoided the concrete-encased, metal clothesline pole. Good times. Good times.)

I know my role in the world. I love football. Love the history of the game, the characters and the strategy. But I harbor no illusions. A Michael Strahan I am not. Sure, we might weigh the same, but that's about it.

Except for the reward of winning, the Thunder players receive no pay and risk their bodies because they love the sport. I respect that.

They just didn't need to have me there interrupting practice.

If you enjoyed yourself, great. It's a good thing the playoffs are three weeks away instead of today, because Coach Makarevich -- a mountain of a man -- would have chewed you up and spit you out.

OK, that would have been fun to watch.

By the way, do you even know who Michael Strahan is?

MICCO: Would that be the New York Giants' defensive end Michael Straham, former hot shot at Texas Southern?

Yeah, that's right. I know how to use Google.

I'm not going to lie. Coach Makarevich intimidated the poo of out me. As soon as the coach gave me the play, I immediately forgot it. There were numbers mixed with words, complicated by field directions. I was lost from the moment I stepped out onto the field.

I admit it, I couldn't even get the "hut" right.

Makarevich told me the cadence was "Red (pause), Set, Go!"

I was so befuddled that I actually said, "Red, Pause, Set, Go!"

The horror. The horror.

But in all fairness to the coaches and team -- with a playoff looming on the horizon -- they took time out to indulge me. Yet all was not lost. While I've always enjoyed the game, I have a newfound respect for the guys making it happen on the field and behind the scenes. They work hard, play hard and love the sport. On top of that, they have to memorize plays, know their position and think quick on their feet. I couldn't do it.

I was impressed. The term "dumb jock" should be banned from the English lexicon.

By the way, that athletic cup I gave you was not a nose guard.

LITOWITZ: That may have been a problem for you. I am quite familiar with the function of the cup.

Just a final thought. Football players, generally speaking, don't get overly excited over the prospect of a "good job" butt slap.

Hold back -- just a bit.

MICCO: No way. That was the best part of playing. Besides, if linebacker Jack Callahan didn't mind, I sure didn't.

OK, so I won't make the cut as a Thunder quarterback. Maybe there's an opening on the Thunder danceline for a 40-year-old former cheerleader?

(He Said/She Said is written by New Castle News staffers Lisa Micco, design editor, and Pat Litowitz, investigative reporter. Interested in advertising in this space? Contact The News advertising department at (724) 654-6651. Ask for Bryan Zeigler.)